Conflict : Name Blame Claim

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Conflicts sprout up 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but we don’t experience them as troublesomeuntil they ripen into a dispute. At its core, conflict resolution is really a communication discipline with a set of flexible practices. Before we dive into those practices, it’s a good idea to gain an understanding of the social psychology that influences our disputes. We will begin by taking a look at the anatomy of conflict and how we get locked into the name, blame, and claim cycle.

PhotoGrid_1445749540039We are human, and in relationship to one another, we often have conflicting wants, needs, goals, and values. We have imbalances in our access to resources, and we have differing opinions about the rules that should govern everyone’s conduct. A dispute arises from conflict when three circumstances come together at the same time: The belief that you’re being deprived of something you need or want, the belief that someone else is causing the deprivation, and the belief that deprivation violates a social norm or rule.

These circumstances can be captured in three words: Name, Blame, and Claim. So, let’s say Anu forgets to include his manager Ashu in an email loop about a new project he is angling for. Ashu gets upset about being bypassed and accuses Anu of violating the social rule of running things past the boss. Her accusation is the beginning of the name-blame-claim loop. And we are off and running, it’s a full-blown dispute.

Ashu feels she’s been deprived of something she wants, she blames Anu for the wrongdoing,and claims she’s violated a workplace norm. So now let’s make this personal. If you backpedal to your most recent argument with a friend or co-worker, see if you can deconstruct your conversation. Remember, even if the argument only occurred in your head, it’s still a conflict, an internal conflict. So if you haven’t had a full-blown argument recently, thinking about something you’re upset about but haven’t yet aired.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLE :

We will focus here on the five most typical styles we use in an effort to deal with our discomfort.These styles are Suppression, Avoidance, Resolution, Transformation, and Transcendence. We suppress, we refuse to talk about certain things, and we tell others that they shouldn’t talk about them either. We shut down any possible resolution because the whole process makes us uncomfortable.

We avoid, we don’t even give voice to our true thoughts or feelings. Instead, we stew, we harbor bad thoughts, we have imaginary conversations in our heads, or we talk to someone else, trying to gain alliances and prove we are right and the other person is wrong. Moving up the scale of our problem- solving capacity is resolution. With this style we are engaged, we are making an effort to understand why the conflict occurred, and we’re brainstorming ways to solve the problem cooperatively.

We also transform, that means we use the conflict to transform our relationships. We work to understand our conflict partner while also owning our part with the intention of shifting our behavior in a lasting way. You’ll notice that I use the term Conflict Partner. This is because not only does it take two to tango, it takes immense courage to take your part in the conflict. We are also capable of transcending conflict, moving past it free of bitterness and resentment, because we move past the need to engage. We’ve given up the hold our triggers have on us. On the other hand, if you notice that you travel between suppression and avoidance,start paying attention to your triggers, the things that typically upset you. And notice how your default response alters the quality of your relationships. Here’s why: You can’t resolve a conflict unless you’re willing to take your part in it.

So, be honest with yourself, where do you land? All this awareness building is an essential ingredient to resolving any conflict.

Our Session with FSS team today was quite exciting. Even you can have more session from us. Contact training@prism-global.org and book your session. Mean while KEEP READING….

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About anubhamauryawalia

Anubha, a Trainer, Facilitator & OD&L Professional is a prolific Human Process Interventionist, created PRISM Philosophy, ( Prepare. Respect. Implement. Share. Maintain) carries 18 years of rich experience have worked with top of the line blue chip organizations like Honeywell, ICICI Bank, Moody ICL Certification were she was heading ODL, Trainings & Quality verticals. Her areas of expertise include human process intervention, Organisation Development, Change engagement Learning, Team building, POSH and Quality implementation. She is Consultant as Change Engagement & Learning for OD and delivers corporate training programs at national and international platform and First lady from India doing research on FOLLOWERSHIP. She is the Self-Discipline Strategist who relates profound truths coupled with humorous anecdotes empowering professionals to conquer their apprehension. Her work involves direct observation, real time feedback, experiential learning and coaching following Andragogy principles. Self-directed and self-motivated, Charismatic and persuasive, with the ability to rely on logic and facts to support her positions. In times of pressure, tend to be objective in her approach and direct in her communication. Naturally, optimistic, you seek out the possibilities in life. Her creativity and ability to solve problems are some of her greatest strengths. This paired with drive, vision, and methodical approach allows her to create new opportunities, keeping her experiences fresh and exciting. Preferring to develop new ideas rather than maintaining systems already in place. Bold person, whose character is marked by originality, expressiveness, generosity, determination, and a keen eye for details Natural born communicator and an adept social navigator, often others will sit by, engage new people or invite others in to make them feel at home. With a talent for creative reasoning and big picture thinking, she is a great innovator and are typically seen this way by others. Her energy and forward thinking can generate a team-oriented environment, helping to accomplish goals by motivating others, while creating an atmosphere that is fun and exciting.

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